Domestic Abuse Dictionary (Part 1 of 3)

Introduction

Welcome to Part One of our Domestic Abuse Dictionary, designed to help victims and survivors understand what can be confusing or obscure terms associated with domestic abuse. I am a firm believer in knowledge is power! And understanding the language of abuse can empower you or someone you know to recognise harmful behaviors and seek help and support.

This is the first of three sections, and we will cover terms from A to I in this part. Stay tuned for Parts Two and Three, where we'll continue exploring the language of abuse to help you understand, identify, and break free from toxic situations. So let's get into it..

Abuse

is any behavior that is used to manipulate, harm, or control another person. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, or legal. It can happen in intimate relationships, family settings, or even between acquaintances and strangers.

Abuser 

The person who uses abusive behaviors to gain power and control over someone else. An abuser can be a partner, family member, or anyone who exerts harmful behaviors toward another person.

Blaming/Blame Shifting

A common tactic used by abusers to make the victim feel responsible for the abuse. The abuser shifts the focus away from their actions and onto the victim, causing confusion and guilt. The abuser will often emphasise how you reacted to an incident, rather than focusing on the incident itself.

Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are limits set by individuals to protect their physical and emotional well-being. Abusers often disregard or violate boundaries to maintain control over the victim.

Brainwashing

The process of manipulating someone into thinking in a way that benefits the abuser, often through isolation, threats, and constant criticism. Victims may doubt their own beliefs and adopt the abuser's perspective over time.

Coercive Control

A pattern of behavior used to dominate and control the victim. It can involve threats, isolation, and micromanagement of everyday life. Coercive control is about domination and breaking down the victim's autonomy and sense of self.

Cycle of Abuse

A repetitive pattern in abusive relationships that cycles through phases such as tension building, the abusive incident, reconciliation, and calm. This cycle can make it difficult for victims to leave, as they may experience periods of peace between abusive incidents.

Denial

Abusers often deny their actions or the harm they cause, making the victim doubt their own experiences. Victims may also enter a state of denial as a defense mechanism to cope with the trauma.

Domestic Violence

A pattern of behavior where one person in an intimate relationship uses physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or control to dominate their partner. Domestic violence can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Emotional Abuse

Any non-physical behavior that seeks to diminish the victim's self-worth, dignity, and emotional well-being. This can include insults, humiliation, manipulation, and gaslighting.

Escalation

When abusive behaviors increase in frequency, intensity, or severity over time. Escalation can often lead to more dangerous forms of abuse, such as physical violence.

Financial Abuse

A form of control where the abuser restricts access to money, employment, or financial resources, making the victim financially dependent. This is often used to trap the victim in the relationship.

Fear

A key emotion that abusers exploit to control their victims. Fear can be instilled through threats, intimidation, or actual violence, preventing the victim from leaving or seeking help.

Gaslighting

A form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim question their own reality, memories, or perceptions. Over time, gaslighting can erode the victim's sense of self and make them dependent on the abuser's version of reality.

Guilt

Abusers often use guilt to control the victim, making them feel responsible for the abuser’s actions or emotions. Victims may feel guilty for wanting to leave or for not being able to "fix" the abuser.

Hypervigilance

A heightened state of awareness and anxiety that many abuse victims experience. Victims may be constantly on guard, anticipating the next abusive incident or trying to avoid behaviors that trigger the abuser.

Hoovering

A tactic used by abusers to "suck" the victim back into the relationship after a breakup or separation. This can involve false promises of change, apologies, or declarations of love to manipulate the victim into staying.

Isolation

A tactic used by abusers to cut off the victim from their support system, including family, friends, and other resources. Isolation makes it easier for the abuser to maintain control and more difficult for the victim to leave.

Conclusion

In this first part of our Domestic Abuse Dictionary, we’ve explored key terms that can help victims identify and understand various forms of abuse. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward seeking help and finding safety. Stay tuned for Part Two, where we'll continue with terms from J to R, and Part Three will complete the series with S to Z.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional for support. You can also join the RebuildAfterAbuse - Private Resource Centre on Facebook to ask questions and get additional support within a safe community.